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Madison Police Department - Domestic Violence Myths

FACT: While the above description may fit some battered women, it by no means applies to all. Domestic violence crosses all socioeconomic, ethnic, racial, educational, age, and religious lines.

MYTH: If a battered woman doesn’t leave her partner, it must be because she enjoys the abuse.

FACT: Inherent in this myth is the notion that the battered woman is masochistic. Originating with Freud, the misconception is that the woman is receiving some sort of sexual gratification from the battering. A classic form of "victim blaming," this myth takes all responsibility for the abusive behavior from the batterer and unjustly places it upon the victim.

MYTH: Battered women are mentally unstable if they choose to stay in abusive relationships.

FACT: Another form of "victim blaming," this myth oversimplifies the reasons women remain with their abusive partners. The dynamics of abusive relationships are complex and intense. While some victims may have mental health issues that influence their situations, this does not guarantee that they will stay with their partners. Victims of domestic violence may exhibit behaviors tat seem unusual or bizarre to the outsider, as the constant threat of violence may affect how they think, feel and act. What appear to be bizarre behaviors may be survival strategies used to keep victims safe and in control of their environment.

MYTH: Battered women have done something to cause the battering.

FACT: Another "victim blaming" statement, this myth places responsibility for the batterer’s behavior on the victim’s shoulders. Most victims spend an inordinate amount of energy trying to placate and please their abusive partners. The reality of the situation is that no one is responsible for the batterer’s behavior but the batterer.

MYTH: Men who batter their partners are socially inept, socially inappropriate, or violent in all their relationships.

FACT: It is a common misconception that the batterer treats people outside the abusive relationship the same as he does his partner. This is typically not the case. Many batterers exhibit a Jekyll-and-Hyde personality. Batterers can be quite charming and delightful when they want to be. This is how so many women get pulled into these relationships.

MYTH: Drug and alcohol use cause battering behavior.

FACT: For years it was believed that if an abusive partner curtailed their alcohol or drug use, the battering would cease. These substances were blamed for the batterer’s behavior. We now know that being intoxicated or high is simply an excuse for abusive behavior, not its cause.

MYTH: Abusive relationships will never change for the better.

FACT: The key to changing an abusive relationship is the batterer’s willingness to accept responsibility for his actions. If the batterer admits to the inappropriateness of his behavior, wants to change, and seeks counseling, then he has a chance to recover.

MYTH: Battered women grew up in abusive families.

FACT: Many women who find themselves in abusive relationships did not grow up in violent households. Often, these women come from gentle, loving families. What tends to be the standard, however, is that their families were traditionalist with a strongly held belief in prescribed feminine sexual stereotypes. Research indicates, however, that many men who batter lived in a childhood home where violence was present. Witnessing domestic violence as a child has been identified as the most common risk factor for becoming a batterer.

Excerpts from When Violence Begins at Home by K.J. Wilson, 1997.